Dirty Words by Ellen Sussman

Author:Ellen Sussman
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781608197804
Publisher: Bloomsbury Publishing
Published: 2019-12-18T16:00:00+00:00

J

JAILBAIT (see also LOLITA)

JASON BROWN

DEFINITION: a person below the age of consent with whom sexual intercourse can constitute statutory rape.

AKA: clanger, jailhouse pussy, forbidden fruit, minor, schoolgirl, nymphet.

What happens to a woman when she finds the man of her dreams, only he is a child? And if the woman is his teacher? American parents cringed at the story of Mary Kay Letourneau, who first met Vili Fualaau when she was his teacher in second grade. He did not start flirting with her until he was in sixth. She started to have sex with him the next year, when he was 13. Already the mother of four from a marriage that was disintegrating, she would bear the teenager’s daughter, but not before she ended up in prison on rape and molestation charges.

-HOWARD CHUA-EOAN, “TIME MAGAZINE’S TOP 25 CRIMES OF THE CENTURY,” 2007, WWW.TIME.COM/TIME/2007/CRIMES/22.HTML

I grew up in Maine, the state with the lobster on the license plate. I didn’t realize until I moved away that people in Maine were supposed to live in white clapboard farmhouses, speak with an accent, and spend their weekends tying flies and digging for fishing worms. I lived in a lime green vinyl-sided house and spent most of my time smoking pot and jerking off to MTV videos. After my father left, my friend Tom moved in with us because his stepfather was a midcoast coke dealer who had tried to poison Tom’s mother. Not long after Tom moved in, my mother discovered the Valium/marijuana/Gallo cocktail, which is when she started showing up in Tom’s bedroom doorway naked and whispering, “Cary Grant?”

“Don’t worry,” he told me at our first house barbecue, when we accidentally set the vinyl siding on fire, “I would never fuck your mother.”

That was a relief. It didn’t stop him from fucking my girlfriend, Alice, though. I was in love with her, but Tom said, “One man is not enough for her. You can’t take it personally.”

I didn’t, but I still felt awful and so I took a bunch of mushrooms one night and shaved my head. It almost cost me my job at Friendly’s, where I worked as a Window Scooper. The manager said I looked unfriendly.

Then something happened that, as a teenager, I could never have predicted: I fell in love with someone else, our new biology teacher, Miss Paine. Our old biology teacher had quit because she needed a kidney transplant or she was going to die. We had no idea.

“She has the face of a chipmunk, but she’s hot for a teacher,” Tom said.

When we dissected a pig, she guided my hand as I sliced open the pink abdomen.

“She wants you,” Tom said. “Go talk to her. Tell her she’s hot.”

I went up to her and told her my name.

“I know your name,” she said.

I told her I was writing a one-act play, which I was. I just hadn’t gotten very far into it. I told her the play was about an alien from the planet Benelia, where everyone was good.

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